Que Será, Será: Why Having Neither a Bad Day Nor a Good Day is Okay
You know what, babes? Today, I just wasn’t feeling it.
Do you know what I mean? I wasn’t in a bad mood, nor was I feeling forlorn or melancholy. However, I wasn’t in a particularly delightful mood, either. The truth is, I am in the middle of a LOT of things at the moment between school, my business, and of course the commitment to this daily blog (all of which I feel completely blessed by and love dearly). As I am in the midst of finals for my Clinical Aromatherapy program, my usual level of work and stress has doubled. I wasn’t aware that I was internalizing any part of that until I sat down today to finally begin blogging.
I only realized that my spirit was being affected when I could NOT decide on anything to write about. I had several ideas, began to research them more in depth, and collect information and resources…but my heart could not do its part. I felt empty, that I had nothing valuable or insightful to share, and that somehow, I was deceiving all of you if I produced something. I thought about not posting at all, but could not *live* with the guilt of not keeping my commitment. I found myself haunted by the idea of listlessly stringing something together for the sake of having posted something. I wasn’t feeling apathetic, but rather uninspired.
That lack of inspiration started to mold itself in my mind as lack of ability on my part. Pessimistic suppositions popped into my mind like, “Maybe I’m not worthy of imparting wisdom on people. Maybe I am not a trustworthy source of guidance.” Rather than immediately shoo away self-doubt by jumping into a power stance and declaring that “I can do anything!”, I took a different approach. I embraced those thoughts. I invited them into my bosom, swaddled them in compassion, and attempted to understand the ways in which they were significant, divinely timed blessings in disguise. As I sat with these notions in a state of tender observation, it occurred to me this was in fact the lesson all along.
At first, I considered the phrase “the stars can’t shine without darkness.” But this post isn’t even really about that. This is something all together different that I don’t think is discussed nearly enough. Most of the “bad day” rhetoric that floats around primarily preaches the importance of looking on the bright side or exhorts us to believe that growth and transformation can only truly be found in between the stark contrast of joyful and distressing times. It is often suggested that we can’t fully appreciate or recognize our blessings without experiencing hardships or dilemmas. That is all fine, good, valid, and factual. I could have capitulated to those popular positions. I could copped out and said “Hey guys! I had a bad day, but to make it better, I kissed my dog, took a bubble bath, and danced in the moonlight! You should try it!” and perhaps listed another 20 things to turn a difficult day into a satisfying one. But I didn’t.
Instead, I’m choosing to talk about the other days. The ones that are neither awesome nor awful. That are neither disastrous nor miraculous. The ones that JUST ARE. You know what? It is okay to have days like that. It is okay not to seek the silver lining in every moment or live every second of every day to the fullest. It is okay not to sport a perma-smile or an unrelenting sunny disposition. Not every day will be a vigorous swim upstream. Instead there will be days like today where we simply allow ourselves to be carried by the current toward whatever we may come upon, all the while muddling through whatever it is that must be done and accomplishing the bare minimum.
Today, my self care was that I simply allowed myself to exist, as I am. I allowed myself to have "a day." I highly recommend it.
“I allow life to be exactly what it is. Through acceptance, I find freedom.”
You did great today. Good job being you. I love when you are you. Namaste. xo