3 Ways to Move from Fear to Fierceness in the Face of Failure
The sting of failure is deep, and sometimes lasting. For some of us more than others, the highs and lows of life can tear turbulently through our lives like a tornado—and it can feel as though everything we loved and worked for has been destroyed in one foul and fatal blow. Whether it is the loss of a job, a business venture gone bust, or a relationship gone awry, it is easy to believe that the world is ending when things don’t pan out as we have planned. However, it serves us far better to step into accountability and decide to learn from the experience and root into the fertile soils of failure to grow up toward our purpose and power. Here are 3 tips for moving through fear and into fierceness in the face of failures.
1. Choose Disappointment, Not Despair
As someone who has always been dictated by my feelings, my emotional pendulum swung wildly from one extreme to the other though out my life. Because I was a perceptive child, growing into a highly-sensitive adult, my mother always tried to help me distinguish between feelings of despair and feelings of disappointment. Through the trials and errors of a life fully-lived, I learned that allowing ourselves to plummet into pits of despair when faced with failures only further compounds our problems. It is natural for us to experience a wide range of intense emotions when we don’t succeed at something, especially when we give it our all. However, it is important to restrict the time that we allow ourselves to lick our wounds and wallow, and decide to assign a deadline for the pity party we throw ourselves. We must choose to be disappointed by the outcome rather than catastrophize it into something it's not. When we permit a problem to take on unrealistic proportions, we disempower ourselves from growing or gaining anything from the experience to help us move forward.
2. Open Yourself Up to Others
Although this may feel like potentially the most vulnerable and tender your soul has been, hiding away from those closest to you will only make you feel more isolated and alone in your experience. I have had a personal tendency of pushing people away out of shame in my moments of failure. I desperately did not want others to witness my defeat. Once a select few scaled the walls I had build up around my heart, I found that we all benefited from sharing in that experience. In opening up to others, they returned the gesture, divulging to me their own experiences with misfortune. Not only did my shame dissolve, but I was able to learn from the trials and tribulations of others and gain valuable insights about how to navigate through hardship. No one can help you out of your circumstances but you, but that's no reason to face everything alone!
3. Use the Experience to Propel You Forward
For many of us, a failure can feel like a dead end. It's as if you have been driving for hours on end, only to find that the sole bridge to your destination has collapsed. The first step in altering that perspective is embracing the idea that the plan that the Universe has for you is far greater than the one you created and followed. Easier said than done, but imperative. By counting that defeat as a blessing in disguise, it opens your heart and mind up the to the possibility of potentially better blessings! However, that faith must be met with accountability and proactive steps. When you truly take the time to dissect and examine what exactly went "wrong" in your first attempt (through compassionate and object eyes), you can make educated and pragmatic decisions in moving forward fearlessly. Maybe you will fail again. But the process will simply repeat itself until you reach your destination, in perfect and divine timing.
“I am not defined by my failures or my successes, but rather by the emotional and spiritual strength that I gain from the lessons and experiences in my life. I grow into my potential everyday through both my failings and my victories.”
We have ALL tried and failed. We stumbled and fell the first time we attempted to walk on wobbly legs. Our efforts today are no different. We must stretch and strengthen our muscles before we can sprint toward our purpose. Trust that you are co-creating great things with Spirit, babes, even in the face of an initial defeat. Namaste. xo